Time to Be Serious
Many times, as I write these posts, I find myself in a humorous or playful frame of mind, but sometimes the subject matter requires a bit more decorum, and a pause to reflect on the truth that can sometimes sail under the radar as we go about our day-to-day lives. The issue of the homeless among us is a topic that fits this category.
I once wrote a poem, titled “Do You See Me?” and when I published it, there were some disagreements with my take on the issue of helping those who have fallen into the cracks in our society. Here is a link to that poem:
Some of the criticism I received was about the portrayal of hatred on the part of the passers-by. To clarify, I don’t think that most people feel hatred for those who live on the streets or panhandle on freeway on-ramps; more often I think it is just that we can’t identify with them. This poem however, was written from the “invisible” person’s point of view, and in it he is saying he would rather you hated him, than pity him—it hurts less.
The other comment that I seemed to hear the most was that helping these people out with money is in effect, helping enable their lifestyle.
A Strong Disagreement
Now, it is true that some people have to hit bottom before they can see they have nowhere to go except up, but I firmly believe—having been homeless myself at one point in my life—that MOST people who live on the streets (or in the woods, or in a tent, or behind the grocery store) aren’t there by choice, but have found their way to these places through fear, resignation, and ignorance; and most of them simply have no idea about how to get out.
Monetary help for those who live at the lowest levels of our society is not the need that we should be most concerned with; rather, we should offer them the basic emotional human needs of empathy and compassion. A smile and a kind word just might be the tipping point that tells them someone still sees the person behind the problems, and they are still worth saving. That simple message, that they aren’t invisible at all, might be all they need to help them reignite the spark of hope, and maybe even rebuild the desire to look for a way back.
The one class of people who are the most accepting, and who live with the least amount of judgment, fear, or condescension, are those who have the most issues with fitting into society themselves. Sadly this often includes those who have turned to drugs to escape the problems. When you have nothing, it is easy to lose hope, and with that loss, the willpower to fight. When you don’t have the basic foundation of knowledge, or even a way to eat later in the day, it can be almost impossible to do anything but drift along, and find a way to escape. Those easy escapes almost always involve making the wrong choices, and they end up making a bad situation even worse—widening the gulf that must be crossed to rejoin the rest of us in the “real” world.
Try Not to Pass Judgement
If you have never faced the circumstances that put these fellow humans there, you can’t understand how it could happen—and it is all too easy to dismiss them all as habitual drug users who put themselves there. Addiction does play a role in the problem, you would have to be blind not to see that, but for every person you see who is begging on the street because of addiction, there are three you don’t see who are simply trying to find a way to feel like they still matter, and have no clue how to connect to the help they need. When you haven’t brushed your teeth for three weeks, it is embarrassing to talk to others, let alone ask them for help, or a job, or even something to eat.
A simple smile and saying hello, may make more difference than you realize. Choosing not to enable what you see as a continued voluntary lifestyle may be a great goal, but for most people this is not a voluntary choice, but one of circumstance. Refusing to “see” them—even if it is just in their minds that you don’t—sends the message that you have judged them and found them unfit for human contact. Even though this may not be true, it is how many of them feel, when you avert your eyes and hurry past.
A Basic Truth
Everyone has a story, and most of them are sad and probably could have been avoided at one point or another, but could-have-beens aren’t helpful . . . they are merely reminders of all that they have lost.
I don’t think you can help anyone who isn’t ready to be helped, but if you are worried about the way even a small donation might be spent, keep in mind that a bagel and a cup of coffee can’t be traded for drugs, and can fill another void that all of us experience—hunger happens every day, even to the lost—without making a huge dent in your lifestyle.
If even that is more than you can do, then remember this: Smiling is free, and saying “Good Morning” just may be more important than the $1.40 in change you have in your pocket.
Try to remember that we are all human, and deserve at least the chance to feel that way. As always this message comes to you...
From Grandpa's Heart...
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