I have often heard it expressed on TV, in movies, and occasionally in real-life, that respect must be earned. Let me set the record straight . . . this is NOT the case.
Respect should be the starting point for all relationships between two people, not a place to get to later, after we have judged the other person.
Clarifying Terms
Please do not confuse respect with admiration. I respect my fellow humans, unless and until they show—by actions or communications—they do not deserve that respect. I respect others property, privacy, and their right to exist; but that doesn’t mean I admire them all. I will admit that I admire many more people than others might, but that admiration is for those who rise above the crowd, and stand out in ways that make me want to be more like them.
When you meet someone for the first time, they are, as fellow human beings, worthy of your respect. The alternative means you are coming from a point of at first disrespecting everyone, most of whom you don’t even know. This view of only respecting those who have “earned” your respect, this basic lack of humility, is either based on a need to feel superior on some level, or is a sign of a person’s inability to trust others. Either way it is a sad way to live one’s life.
The Truth
Respect doesn’t have to be earned, but it must be maintained. Once respect has been given, it can be—and all too often is—lost. Sometimes it can be rebuilt; but like trust, full restoration may never happen. A sense of being let down or hurt my prevent that trust from ever being completely recovered, and in the same manner a sense of disappointment, anger, or revulsion may prevent lost respect from ever being regained.
This fact though, does not mean that other humans should start from a point of being disrespected. Feelings of inferiority—moral, spiritual, religious, economic, racial, educational, political, and/or sexual—are usually at the heart of this kind of respect issue.
Keep in mind that respecting someone does not mean you have to trust them. Distrust runs deeper than disrespect. Anyone who has been hurt badly by someone they trusted, may always harbor a certain amount of distrust of the entire world. That is an even sadder, if a little more understandable, place to live.
Sadly, the only way to never experience the pain of a broken trust, is to never trust anyone—and that may be the saddest place to be of all.
The Cure
There is a cure for these issues: Love.
I don’t mean worship, or lust, or romance . . . I mean pure love—also known as charity or compassion. Love in its purest form simply means caring about someone else as much as, or more than, you do about yourself. This is a basic truth: love is not the opposite of hate, it is the opposite of selfishness.
Love requires trust; caring about someone gives them the power to hurt you. This power carries with it the seed of another truth: love brings with it the eventuality of loss and pain. The bigger the love, the bigger the pain when we must say goodbye.
Our love, and the pieces of our hearts we give to others, are the only truly permanent gifts we have to bestow. The best part is that this love, and the accumulated positive energy with which we have given it, are what we get to take with us at the end. I believe that there is no finer measure of a person, than the volume of love and light they shared with the universe throughout their life.
Humility and respect, combined with admiration and trust, can result in pure love . . . which is kind of the whole point of it all.
This reminder is delivered with love and the utmost respect, straight ...
